The 2:00 am Booty Call Plot
by kdsch123
Summary: Clark gets a call from Chloe, but all is not what it seems. Just a quick, funny little story to clear my head after the big VS!
1. The Plot Unfolds

"Hello? Chloe? Is everything okay? Do you have any idea what time it is? It's 2 in the morning. My mom is home from Topeka…I hope the phone didn't wake her…"

"C'mon, Clark, ish jus' me… Is your mom there? HI, MRS. KENT! Oh, right, she's sleeping..sssshhhh HEEE!"

"Are you drunk? Chloe? Where are you? Is that music I hear? Where are you?"

"NO……hee, well, Lois and I did go dancing and maybe we did have one too many margaritas….hee. But I'm completely fine, I really….ooops! Hey, watch where yer goin', honey! My best friend is an alien you know..…"

"Where are you? I'll come get you. The music is so loud…"

"Oooh, Clark Kent to the rescue…..dun da dun! Ya know, Clark, I was callin'…

I was callin' because you know, you know what Lois said?"

"I can't imagine…I'm getting dressed so I can come get you."

"Lois said….and I think she's full of it, Clark…Lois said, you and Lex….hee, YOU KNOW…._are gay, and for each other…._"

"Hang on a second, just putting on a shirt. What? Lois thinks that Lex and I are gay? That's crazy…"

"That's what I said. But then, she started reminding me of stuff….like how she pranced around in star spangled bikini and you acted like she had cooties, like how I've been THROWING myself at you for years, and then, no sex with Lana. All your life you obsess about her and then, one time, and that's it…it's okay to tell me, Clark…I'm your best friend…there's nothing wrong with it if you are…"

"Chloe, are you seriously asking me if I'm gay? Where the hell is my other boot?"

"HEEE! YOU ARE! Ooohh. But, you know, Clark, you are an alien, maybe that's totally normal for your kind…"

"Chloe, you're drunk. I'm not gay. Oh, there's my boot…ugh, Shelby, geez, aren't you old for chewing on shoes? Chloe, I promise, I'm not gay. "

"You're not? Okay, then, big boy….Prove it. Lois and I are at that new club on Williams Street..zip your alien booty over here and show me."

"Show you? What are you asking me, Chloe?"

"Tell me what you'd do to me, Clark…if you weren't gay, I mean…..hee hee…"

"What I'd do…Chloe, this is crazy…I'll be right there, okay? Wait right there, you and Lois, and I'll get you both back to the dorm for the night."

"ME AND LOIS? OOH, you aren't gay, are you? Want BOTH of us, Clark? How naughty….hee..hee…"

"No, Chloe…I just want to make sure you and Lois are safe. That's all. If you want to talk about this more, we can when you're sober."

"I want you, Clark. Jimmy just isn't quite enough man for me, you know?"

"Chloe…"

"Now. Gay or not, I don't care. Zip on down here and pick me up…I'm not wearing any panties, it's pretty much open season right here…I'm wearing leather too, Lois gave me this sweet little dress...can't wear a bra either….the dress is sooo tight…."

"Chloe, you have no idea,..…"

C'mon, Clark….aren't you even a little excited at the thought of me being all commando under this dress?"

"Chloe, oh crap, I just set something on fire! Hold on…Chloe….You're killing me…."

"All wet and sweaty from dancing, and there was some serious girls gone wild crap going on here….I'm really hot, Clark, I'm open for just about anything….and I want you…."

"**_I'llbethereinfiveseconds_**.**"** _CLICK_

"OH MY GOD! LOIS!"

"So? Did it work? He fell for it?"

"Lois, I swear, that was probably the best idea you ever had. Clark's on his way. I don't know how to thank you…You'd better go get me a drink...he'll know if I haven't been drinking at all."

"No prob, cuz. Here, finish mine. Now go in the bathroom and strip off your panties before Clark gets here…I'll be back with a triple margarita."


	2. The Plot Thickens

"Lois!…Where's Chloe?"

"Hey, Smallville…wait a minute…how did you get here so fast?"

"Is that tequila? Lois, I can't believe this..It's 2:30 in the morning…Where's Chloe?"

"In the bathroom, Clark. Well, here's to you…"

"Stop. Give me this.."

"Hey, that cost $8.50. You know, what I do is really none of your business…"

"It cost me 20 bucks to get in here to pull you two out, so I don't care if the drink cost you $8.50. Lois, where's Chloe? Is she okay?"

"She's probably in the bathroom. I can't believe you got here so fast. Is there any rubber left on your tires? Or did you FLY? Heee!"

"Lois, I'm losing my patience…"

"You are so cute when you're angry, Smallville. Why do you think I try so hard to piss you off so much?"

"Really, Lois? I mean, right, you're trying to distract me from getting you and Chloe out of here. Well that's not going to happen… Where is Chloe? CHLOE!"

"Mmmm I love the way silk feels on my bare skin, Clark….I got this dress in Japan two summers ago… it's makes me so hot, such a turn on…I feel so lightheaded.."

"Oh God, not you too…what do they put in the drinks here?"

"Hi, Clark… What's wrong with Lois?"

"She's drunk, like you…let's get you both out of here…"

"OH, right…she's drunk too…I can't believe you came all this way for meeee…."

"Chloe, yeah, hang on to me, you don't want to lose your balance in those shoes…Okay, let's go, back to the MetU dorms for you two. Party's over."

"Oh, Smallville, you're so strong…I love when you take control…what a man…."

"Shut up, Lois. Geez, don't either of you believe in underwear?"

"Cla-ark! Watch your hands, pal."

Whistle! "TAXI!"

"Hee, Clark, this is going to be like one of those cable specials….so sexy…"

"This is me taking you two back to the dorm to sleep it off…how much did you have to drink tonight, Chloe?"

"Two, maybe three margaritas…"

"All triples, Smallville…She's a Lane, she can take it….Can YOU take it, Smallville?"

"Riiight, You know, Chloe, you do look amazing…MetU dorms, Driver, Building C."

"You really think so, Clark…I love this dress…"

"And Lois too…that dress is…well…wow…red silk huh?"

"Yes, and it's heaven….I wish you hadn't dumped my drink, Smallville, I'm thirsty…So, the pressing question…are you gay?"

"Yeah, Clark…."

"Chloe, Lois…Umm, ooohhh….uh, okay, stop."

"Really? You really want us to stop?"

"Chloe, why are you acting this way? Lois, please….."

"Smallville, your hair is soo soft…I love it…I want to keep touching it…."

"Lois!"

"What? Oh, right, sorry….."

"You really want me to stop, Clark….you seemed like you wanted me before...on the phone….hot enough to set a fire, even….did you cool off already?"

"Chloe…It's not the right time or place, you're drunk..….ummmm hmmmmm…Chloe….hmmmmm"

"Oh, Smallville, your back is so, powerful…shoulders are amazing….."

"Here we are, folks..MetU campus. That will be $15.00"

"$15.00! Oh, alright…."

"You're such a gentleman, Clark…that turns me on so much…"

"He's really great like that Lois…."

"Okay, here, girls, let me carry you both, don't want you to fall…."

"Whew! Working on the farm sure made you all strong, there…oh, is it cold out?"

"No, Lois, that's what panties are for…."

"Cute, Smallville….I love it when you're forceful…"

"You okay, Chloe? Hang on tight, I can only hold on to you with one arm…you really feel good in that dress, too…"

"I love being this close to you, Clark….You always smell so good...I just want to breathe you in…"

"I can't wait to get you both upstairs…you have no idea what I'm going to do to you….to both of you…"

"eee! Clark! I can't believe you…."'

"Oh, believe it, baby…I'm hot and I am so going to take care of you. And you, Lois…you won't even know what hit you…"

"Now, wait one minute Smallville…."

"Oh, I have to open the door.."

"Chloe….hurry…Good…come on…I don't know how much longer I can hold back…"

"Clark! I'm in my room, you don't have to carry me anymore! Putmedown!"

"I want you both in the _shower_ first…."

"Clark, really? Both of us? I thought just you and I…."

"Whoa, Smallville, hold up….I'm going to hurl and it's not from the booze…ow, that was my head on the doorframe!"

"Okay, in you go, and….."

"**OHMYGODIT'SCOLD! CLARK KENT YOU ARE THE BIGGEST JERK WHO EVER LIVED…."**

"**I HATE YOU, SMALLVILLE**….This dress cost me a fortune…."

"Okay, I'm going to get coffee. When I get back, you two really need to explain to me what _exactly_ you hoped to accomplish tonight. There's a Starbucks open….um…someplace…hahaha…be dried, and dressed when I get back…hahahahahaha"


	3. The Plot Ends

"_YAWN!_ I wonder if Smallville is coming back. He'd better hope my dress isn't ruined, because I'll kill him. Thanks for the pajamas, cuz….Well, I can see why Lana moved out, this bed is horrible. Lex's bed HAS to be more comfortable than this one…."

"It's after three…I don't think so. I wonder if he's really mad…Maybe I should call him…"

"Quit biting your thumbnail, Chloe…Clark will be fine…just tell him it's a joke and that's it. _YAWN!_ This bed reminds me of the place The General moved us into after Mom died…."

"Yeah…I guess…I'll do some work…good thing there's no class tomorrow...today, I mean…Lois?"

"…zzzzzzzzz……"

!_knockknock! _"_chloe…." _

"hey, clark..sshhh, Lois is sleeping…."

"come out here, okay? There's no one in the lounge…we need to talk about tonight."

"Okay…I wasn't sure you were coming back. I feel like an idiot… I'm so embarrassed, Clark Now you are grinning at me like that..oh God, I AM an idiot…."

"Well, maybe a little…a cute idiot...No…here..I picked this up for you. It's just the way you like it. "

"Thanks, Clark. I feel like I should be making you coffee…making you get up and come in to Metropolis like this…"

"Any time. Chloe, are you really worried about me being gay?"

"Hee…well, no, and I got some pretty _hard_ evidence to the contrary tonight, if I really was concerned….Lois had this idea that if I called, we might get somewhere…but we just got here…If I say it was a joke can we forget about it?"

"Chloe, what about Jimmy?"

"I don't know, Clark…if I thought….well, never mind."

"Hey, Chloe?"

"What? This coffee is so good…where did you get it?"

"New York. You know, if the journalism career doesn't pan out, you'd make a great phone sex operator…"

"Shut up!….I'd have to have Lois write all my stuff….Wouldn't Dad and the General be proud? A stripper and a phone sex operator….they already have a con artist, so why not? Oh God! I just want to die, Clark…so embarrassed."

"What if I said I had been tempted tonight? That the fact that you and Lois were supposed to be drunk held me back and that I got mad when I realized you weren't because…it was wrong to play games like that, Chloe."

"Were you? I'm sorry if we hurt you, Clark…"

"Have I ever told you how great you look in flannel, Chloe? With your hair all just soft and undone like it is now.."

"Flannel...something about which you are an expert….No, you never have….Why, these pajamas the magic charm? Do more for you than the leather dress?"

"You aren't at all drunk, are you?"

"No. Hee, I had you going, though, didn't I?"

"Yeah…Chloe, about Jimmy…."

"We broke up this afternoon, Clark. That's why Lois and I went out in the first place. She kept pointing out guys…and…I kept talking about you….Finally, we came up with our plot...the booty call plot…"

"AH…Well, this part of the couch next to me IS empty.."

"So I see. What are you thinking, Mr. Kent?"

"Why don't you come over here and find out? Or do you do your best work on the phone?"

"Shut. UP. All right...let me set this down…okay, here I am…."

"Did your dress get ruined?"

"Probably."

"Sorry. …You smell so good, Chloe…like ginger and honey…"

"Clark…"

"Yeah?"

"I really did want to see you tonight…."

"I know. I wanted to see you too. There's something I wanted to do, without the world coming to an end during, without either one of us impaired or pretending…."

"Whoa…Clark! Wait, where are you going? You can't just kiss me like that and leave….my _TOES_ are tingling, Clark…."

"Oh yes I can. See you tomorrow, Chloe…"

"Clark!"

"And tell Lois to stay home…"

THE END


End file.
